The most dangerous words I know

The most dangerous words I know

The most dangerous words I know

I’ve come to realise, in my quest to live more intentionally and healthfully, that there is a phrase that tends to sway me from my path and leaves me feeling guilty and frustrated.

Two short words.  You may hear and use them often.

F–k it.

They are simply a license to do things we know we’ll regret.

Think about it.  We never say ‘f–k it’ when we are about to do something that is good for us.  As one comedian put it, “No one ever said ‘F–k it, I’m gonna have a carrot!'”

F–k it means freedom.  Hedonism.  Wildness.  Spontaneity.  Living for the moment.

At least that’s what I used to think.

Now, I realise that it tends to occur when I’m feeling bored, tired, upset or stressed.  And it is only ever really an excuse for doing something that is not aligned with my values and long-term goals.  Ordering that takeaway.  Sending that text.  Not going for a run.  Having a drink.  Staying up too late.  Buying that expensive watch online on credit.  They may seem like small things, but they make a big difference when done with regularity.

F–k it always makes me feel worse.  Even as I’m saying (or thinking) those words, I get that knot in my stomach.  That sinking, niggling feeling that I’m doing something I don’t really want to do.  Something that is not good for my soul.

Does this mean I can never have a treat or do something spontaneous?  Absolutely not!  But it does mean that I need to be aware of the triggers for those two words.  What leads to my temporary pretense that I don’t care, which leads into doing something I know I shouldn’t do?

Identifying those triggers in yourself can help to limit the frequency of those annoying and harmful moments.

And scheduling in treats, whether it’s a chocolate bar, a night out, a glass of wine or a city break, can help you to avoid feeling deprived and entitled to some spontaneous fun.  Budgeting for treats will help protect your mind and your wallet, and will also enable you to find better deals ahead of time, so you can enjoy the good stuff without the sudden expense and without the guilt.

Also, be careful around those people I like to call ‘f–k it feeders’.  You know the ones.  The (often well-meaning) friends and family members who will say “Oh, go on!  A little bit won’t hurt.”  “You can worry about that tomorrow.” Or, my personal favourite, “You only live once.”

The logic of that last statement is difficult to argue with.  And I used to subscribe to it.

But now I realise that those f–k it moments don’t lead to joy, peace or happiness–they lead to guilt and shame and have an impact upon my wallet and my waistline (two areas most of us would like to tighten up!) 

You do have one life, and it is brief and precious.  Precious enough to try to reduce the frequency of your f–k it moments and live more consciously.

Spend your days wisely, making choices that reflect your values, who you are in the most beautiful and pristine part of your soul.  Budget for fun, choose your pleasure, enjoy it guilt-free.

Own your choices.  Don’t let them own you.

About Louise

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  1. I loved this! All so true…
    Now I am a lot older, I allow myself more of those moments. I spent a long time regretting things I had not done in my youth. But that is not to say that your advice is completely sound.
    Thanks for following my blog, which is much appreciated.
    Best wishes, Pete.

  2. Never realized this until you mentioned it.
    I’ve been guilty of these two words for the last two months! I’ve made up in other ways (for example, I don’t work out like I used to, but I play football, table tennis and tennis regularly. Sometimes all three a day!)….but those times when I worked diligently were the most disciplined times of my life (the first 6 months of 2016).

    1. Thanks for reading! It is definitely easy to take the f–k it mentality! I guess it’s only really a bad thing if it makes you do something that you regret regularly, though. It sounds like you have a good balance. 🙂

  3. I’m very guilty of saying the most dangerous words. Along with the second most dangerous words, “I’ll do better tomorrow”. But I never do.
    It’s true that we only have one life (maybe more, but we can’t remember them) so I don’t quite understand why people say YOLO and then jump off something or drink themselves into a stupor. Maybe I’m just boring . . . . 🙂

    1. I think you sound sensible, Marcus–not boring! And that’s exactly the point I was trying to make with this post. 🙂 Thanks for reading. I hope you’re having a great weekend.

  4. That is SO true!! I’m getting my F-k it moments under control too by checking in with my ‘values’ and asking – is this going to lead me toward my goals or away from them in the longer term.. I love this article!

  5. YAY… I’m the descenting vote!

    OK. I’m going to say that I think you are wrong. Erm… Kinda. B-)

    Saying ‘Fuck it’ and doing it can also lead to wondrous things. Does banana go with Mayo on a sandwich? Fuck it, lets find out! It turns out I think its the best taste in the world (behind a BLT). I regret nothing!
    What if someone had stood over Nikola Tesla’s shoulder and said ‘I don’t know about this!’… And he had listened to him?

    No… ‘Fuck it’ does have its place in the world and we do need those moments. Ok… We need to keep a lid on them. Too many and we may as well not bother with any control. But we do need those pressure release valves.

    What we need more is to not regret so much. You did it. Get over it and now learn to pay the price. Maybe you need to go to the gym an extra session, maybe you need to not complain when you wake up with a mysterious headache and sore throat.
    No. Regret is for the weak. You did what you did and you probably enjoyed it. AWESOME!… Now you simply need to pay the waiter… So to speak.

    Now, if you will excuse me, I’m off to make the second best sandwich in the world and a cup of tea. B-)

    1. Hi Kalamain! I get what you are saying, and we referenced it a little in the comments above… I’m not claiming that spontaneity is a bad thing. And I absolutely believe in living life to the fullest, accepting what you do or don’t do, and moving on with few regrets. But life, for me, is also about learning from those mistakes–how they make me feel, the triggers for them, and how I can stop myself from simply acting out the same habitual patterns that end up making me feel like crap. Doing them over and over and just accepting the negative consequences or awful feelings isn’t good enough anymore. I, personally, got very tired of it. Now it’s about choosing my pleasure and doing things that are aligned with my values. If I slip up, I slip up. But I want to learn from my slip ups, not just keep acting them out unconsciously. I hope that makes sense! Thanks for reading, and enjoy your banana/mayo sandwich!

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