A personal update: nearing the end

My grandma is in the very last stages of her life.  It is hard to say, of course, but I can’t see that she will continue for more than a day or two.  It could be hours.  She is sedated now and unresponsive to touch.  This is a blessing in some ways, because her breathing is accompanied by a rattle, and she sometimes appears to be trying to cough and struggling.  It is disturbing to watch, but her facial muscles show no signs of agitation.  The nurses have reassured us that she is relaxed and that the experience is worse for us than it is for her.  Still, it’s difficult. 

I am unsure whether I will travel back to London tomorrow–most likely I won’t.  I want to be here, not only for my grandma, but also for my mum, who has cared full-time for my grandparents for the past two years (my grandad passed away last September.)  She has given up her house, her job and her social life to care for her parents.  She is amazing.  

I do worry about her though–about all of the things she will have to deal with once my grandma is gone.  Her life has been about caring for other people, particularly these past couple of years.  I hope that our love and support will be able to help her in the rollercoaster of emotions that she is experiencing and will experience in the coming days and weeks.  

The local vicar, Sarah, who knew my grandparents well, came over this evening to visit and to pray for my grandma.  It was calming and helpful for all of us.  She read Psalm 121, which I would like to share with you.  Whether you are religious or not, it is a beautiful collection of words that contain comfort in times like these.

A song of ascents.

1 I lift up my eyes to the mountains— where does my help come from? 

2 My help comes from the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth. 

3 He will not let your foot slip— he who watches over you will not slumber; 

4 indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep. 

5 The LORD watches over you— the LORD is your shade at your right hand; 

6 the sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night. 

7 The LORD will keep you from all harm— he will watch over your life; 

8 the LORD will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore.

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10 thoughts on “A personal update: nearing the end

  1. I just wanted to offer you virtual love and support ❤️ Reading your post reminded me of much of losing loved ones recently and how hard it was for me being away from home and not being able to help or support my family as much as I wanted to. Thank you for sharing that lovely psalm, that’s probably my favourite book in the Bible and I’m so glad it was able to give you some comfort. ❤️

    1. Thank you so much. I really appreciate your support and I’m sorry you weren’t able to be at home as much as you would have liked to have been during your losses. Sending hugs to you too. ♡

  2. I’m so sorry about your grand mother. Your mother sounds,like an amazing woman. I took care of my mother, when she passed I was completely lost. I lost my mom, my best friend, my house mate, my job, …. everything in a moment. One moment I was full of responsibility the next she was gone. It’s difficult after being a full time caregiver. Be gentle with your mom. My sympathies to you and yours.

    1. Thank you so much for your kind words, Wendy, and for sharing your story. The sacrifice of caregivers is incredible. I hope you are doing okay, and can take comfort in how much you gave your mum in her last few months.

  3. I am sorry about your Grandmother. I am happy that you have the comfort of the scriptures and the Church during this time. Psalm 121 is one of my favorites. Peace and comfort to you and your family. Hugs, Lori

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